THE MASTER.

cleanse that is.
all my life i've had this thing...with food. for those who know me, can surely attest to this. all my old boyfriends said i ate more than them, hands down. when i was a kid, i remember SO VIVIDLY, ALL OF MY PARENTS FRIENDS, and/or visitors to the house--would make comment about my eating,

"OH WOW...SHE EATS A LOT...THAT'S GOOD"

seriously. EVERYONE said it.
i have loved food ALL MY LIFE. i really believe i have an eating disorder, but because my body is not overly obese or skinny, i dont get categorized as such. i really recognize that eating is a weakness in my person. i have very little control over myself when it comes to consuming food (of course, beyond WHAT KINDS of food i'll eat). I'm very particular about WHAT i will eat. and i have complete control of that (don't eat red meat, pork, detest the site/smell of milk & sharp stankin cheeses). but HOW MUCH i eat & how frequently i want to eat is...out of control.

so...i digress.
i am putting myself through the Cleanse. The Master Cleanse, as not only a way of practicing 1) self restraint, control & discipline, but also as a way of 2) chemical & physiological (maybe even mental) RESET. because although i eat pretty well, i ALSO eat like shit. i love veggies & french fries...both the same.

back in feb. i noticed that my craving for sugar sweets, snacks & soda was RIDICULOUS & completely out of control. i wanted chocolate, ginger ale & chips ALL THE TIME. so back in feb, i took a fast. it was hard. all i wanted to eat was refined sugar, salt & high fructose corn syrup. i did however take one day (in celebration of my bday) to cheat & eat cake. i couldn't finish the cake. after a few bites, i had to give away all my cake to friends---who really enjoyed it.

soo...here i am.
today is May 11th. 11 is a good day to start something...so this is DAY ONE.

i had my SWF about 25-30 mins ago? they say you have to immediately go to the bathroom, after 15 mins or so...i'm still waiting. and by the way, i wanted to throw up toward the end of my Liter drink...and i admit, i couldn't drink it all, i left a huge swallow at the end. don't judge me. i have 2 words: THROW UP.

i also mixed my lemonade drink for the day...10 cups of lemons, syrup, cayenne & water...i had 2 cups so far. not appetizing. when i started making the drink, when the lemons went in i was excited, it actually looked good...but then the syrup came & it turned brown...then the cayenne...yea...not so exciting. also, im COLD. freezing actually. as i write this i am fully clothed with a sweatshirt hoodie, a blanket around my arms & another wool blanket covering my whole body. im still slightly cold, but a tad more comfortable. i actually started getting cold 2 nights ago, when i was "prepping" for this. yesterday i had nothing but orange juice, and the day before that 1 breakfast & OJ rest of day. my bf, who did the cleanse once before--says he was always cold. he actually said when he did it, he warmed up all his drink concoctions. i dont think that's a bad look. the lemon drink would probably (mentally) taste better as a hot drink, like tea...and the salt water drink, i could also probably stomach at a higher temp. not to mention, it warm my body up. its not 1 hour into day 1. stay tuned...
im spilling it all.

peace be...i am the masta, g.